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Thursday, April 2, 2009

everything ... Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ... Right?

I chose the title in part because of my long break from the blog, but also because I am feeling an absence of God right now. I am in the proverbial season of wilderness. I haven't been blogging because quite honestly I've not felt like doing anything. As my recent Facebook status says, Holli Swank is mired in depression and despair.

But I know it will be okay. I don't know when and I don't know how, but I do know that. The hard part is the waiting. I feel lonely and empty at the moment. Nothing I do satisfies, even prayer. I know he wants me to learn something here, and I suspect it has a little to do with the Emmaus Walk I am scheduled to go on at the end of this month, but as is typical, I don't know His plan.

So I press on (or press in as my pastor would say), my faith being stretched to it's limits, my emotional state fragile. I asked for a deeper relationship with Him this year, and I think that's what He's prompting me towards. I just wish I knew for sure. Then again, maybe that's the point; I don't know the point and I'm not supposed to.

I wrote another poem last night that I will post soon. I want to make sure it's right before I put it up though. Not surprisingly, it's called 'Wilderness'. So keep an eye out for that and for updates as I let you in on my journey through the desert.

Now playing: Brandon Heath - Wait And See
via FoxyTunes

1 comment:

Beth said...

Keep pressing. It's hard. Wish I could magically make it go away! But at least you're honest and not trying to hide from it, right? I've been praying for you every day since you put the FB status up.